Resolutions

End of another year and time for reflection. Every time my quack prescribes yet another drug to keep me shuffling along it reminds me of just how frail is the human body. So it is no surprise that my annual blood test for sugar is to be repeated - I'm not worried though as it's nice to know that if the second test proves positive it will confirm that I am a sweet old man! My lovely wife consoles me by predicting that I am suffering from "old mans diabetes". I love her dearly.

 As the New Year is rung in this eve I have a cunning plan to avoid my early "snuff".  When we buy our pre-packed meat from the supermarket you will have noticed that inside the pack is a small piece of padding. This is an anti bacterial pad to stop the meat from "going home" to soon. I have found a supplier and intend ordering a job lot. I reckon if I strap a couple to my carcass every morning they should give me another ten or twenty years. Also - and taking a leaf out of the undertakers manual (from the chapter titled "Embalming Fluid") I intend increasing my whisky consumption in order to enhance the overall ethos of preservation.

In the event that my cunning plan goes belly up I will not despair - I have just read in Wikipedia that a well tried method of preserving meat is by burying it in a hole in the ground. No worries then!

Happy New Year